Musings . . . sharing my process with you
photo credit: Leah Lipson @leah_lipson
September 8, 2024
HEARTS ON FIRE
What does it mean to be open?
It is so interesting how we humans can put ourselves in boxes of identity & individualism. Like little self-contained prisons of our own making. Wrapped up in who we think we are, and who we think we aren’t. Who we (think we) want to be perhaps cancelling out the possibilities of who we could be. The more we think we know, the more we actually thicken the veil of disconnection between ourselves and other humans, environments, and opportunities. To me, this spectrum between individualism & unity parallels the spectrum between victimhood & sovereignty. Until we recognize our own limitations, we can’t consciously move toward freedom. We must feel ourselves hitting our own edges to collapse the walls that make them.
I’m in a process of unknowing. Frankly, it’s blowing me away. I commenced my recent journey to Burning Man a few weeks ago with a continued intention to be more open, to expand and engage more deeply, and to witness myself more fully in how I am showing up in the world.
I listened to my inner knowing, my heart, my true north. I held safe space for myself and others, and found resonance in others who could do the same for me. I recognized moments when I had a clear choice to step into greater authorship of my own life experience. This wasn’t easy.
I danced till I was dizzy. I cried dusty tears.
I stopped questioning where my heart was taking me - particularly as it stretched my own previously-established limitations. I felt and witnessed beauty in more shapes and forms than I’d felt possible. I glimpsed more vividly my own eternal becoming through my process of letting go.
I found myself hugging burners I’d just met as they melted in my arms, sharing vividly their recent journeys and desires for self-care and deep shift as I asked how I could support them through an individual session. I watched them melt into healing rest as I played my bowls around and on them, despite the ceaseless stew of loud music and noise surrounding us.
I witnessed my own boundaries arise with grace and an inner strength that reminded me how easily love can erase fear when I stay aligned with my truth.
I’m still simmering in all of this as I land back in the mountains I am so grateful to call home. I pray that I integrate my experiences and transformed awareness and spread it out into my world here.
Thank you for being a witness.
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EXCITING NEWS!
In one week, Mountain Heart Wellness Collective opens its doors to the Taos community. I am thrilled to begin offering weekly Breathwork & Sound Journeys (two separate classes) in addition to the private Sound, Energy, and Breathwork sessions I continue to facilitate out of my home. I’d love to have you join our Opening Day September 15th - please see the events page for all of our FREE offerings and my upcoming schedule!
Note: My FREE Breath + Sound Journey at Mountain Heart next Sunday will take the place of my usual Full Moon event.
In humility and grace,
Christie
August 15, 2024
INTERDEPENDENCE
We are all just walking each other home.
Ram Dass
Like a pack of wolves, we humans have not been created by source to be independent entities. We thrive in togetherness, in spaces of mutual support. We grow as we see a different facet of our own reflection in each of our relations. We are invited to transform our own energies when our wounds are activated by another, particularly those closest to us. We are taught how to communicate more clearly, and express our boundaries more saliently, by those we live amongst and share time and space with. We are gifted safe spaces amongst those who accept us unconditionally in the moment, to allow movement of all that needs to be fully witnessed and released. We are made aware of our own growth edges, time and time again, in community.
Community certainly begins within, as we cultivate our relationship with ourselves and unpack & transmute internalized, stuck energy in our own fields. We must be able to look at ourselves in our most vulnerable state - naked of all masks and perceived protection - before we can let others in to truly witness us. In order to be seen, we must show ourselves. How can anyone be held fully by the network of people around them, if not in every aspect of their truth & imperfections? How can we receive loving support if we don’t ask for it - or contrarily support those in need if they do not make open requests?
With over 8 billion (!) people in this world, it is absolutely not necessary to suffer (and thrive!) in silence. You have a right to take up space with the fullness of who you are, wherever you are. The flip side of that right is the capacity to compassionately receive those around you, wherever they are. I applaud those who ask for help - their strength has encouraged me to do the same. Equally do I admire and respect those who, within appropriate conditions, lay their own process out on the line for others. Honesty cultivates intimate connection. Intimate connection fosters inner security. Individual safety allows a person to let more and more people in, to their heart and their world. Allowing others to hold us through our trials and tribulations reminds us that we are not alone. We are one.
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My heart grows more connected to my Taos community with the rising of each new day’s Sun.
From a space of gratitude and honoring of all of the transformative work happening here, I’m excited to announce the opening of Mountain Heart Wellness Collective this September!
Mountain Heart is a cooperative, membership-based space, where practitioners and clients alike support one-another with classes, events, and individual work within a fair-trade value system. This historic, light-filled space, next to Mountain Monk Coffee in Ranchos de Taos, will host a variety of movement and wellness classes weekly, including upcoming weekly Breathwork and Sound Journey classes held by yours truly. My business partner, Lacy, and I are currently seeking Wellness Practitioners & Movement-based Facilitators to guide weekly offerings. We are now opening memberships at very affordable daily, weekly, and annual rates to the community at large.
I lovingly welcome all of my Taos friends to sign up for our newsletter on our site, www.MountainHeartTaos.com, and encourage all interested in membership (whether as a facilitator or student) to contact us at MountainHeartTaos@gmail.com
We will open on September 15 - stay tuned for more!
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I depart this morning on the road to Black Rock City, where I’ll witness myself and 70,000 other wild & free humans hold a very unique community in the desert. I appreciate that Burning Man’s guiding principles include not only Radical Self-Reliance, but also Radical Inclusion, Communal Effort, Civic Responsibility, and Participation. If you or your loved ones will be on the Playa, I’d love to support you! Check out my offerings below.
)'(
In love we trust!
Christie
August 1, 2024
THE SPEED OF LIFE
Return, like the salmon, to the place of your origin. Birth your moments only in love. You can root your life in fear and know the predictability of granite, the strength of marble and what security there is in limestone’s patient changing. Or you can root your life in love and join us in helping to ease the human world through the awesome changes of these times.
As the sun rises, the shadows become sharper and more clearly defined. As the energies of love grow stronger, the shadows of fear grow more visible than before. To some it may even appear that they have grown in number and in strength, but this is not so. What was hidden has simply become revealed - that it might be healed and brought to peace.
You are all god beings in potential with no reason not to become God beings in reality. Trust yourself, trust your natural response to each new situation. The action arising from within your heart is not going to be destructive, it is going to suggest the most creative path to walk in answer to your situation and your world. When you trust yourself, you are trusting in the Wisdom that designed you. This is how you trust in God. It is not an abstract thing.
You have only to make the choice to shift the center of your motivation from fear to love. Make the choice. Begin to identify the working of fear in your life and recognize it for what it is…Compared to the historical state in which fear has been the keeper of your power, fear’s true role is a small one indeed.
Too much thinking about oneself is the greatest thing that keeps human identity from being fully present, for when you are constantly self-reflecting you are too caught up in past and future to notice the presence around you. You are doubting your own power. You are not vibrating fast enough to channel the immense energies of creation because your attention is scattered and you are closed to the one moment where the love that would quicken you exists: the moment where you are.
Excerpts from Return of the Bird Tribes, Ken Carey
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Chills rereading those words. Whewwweee.
This Summer has felt busy, juicy, simmering, cleansing, moving, fiery, loving, fast, fast, fast, full, full, full, expansive, prayerful, nourishing. I am only able to truly notice and honor the beauty way that is my life - the life that I am co-creating - with such reverence and gratitude because of presence. What is happening now, today, not what is happening next, tomorrow. Consciously making every choice in freedom. Negotiating my energetic exchange with myself, with others, with the universe. Stepping back whenever possible to acknowledge that all of the movement, the doings, the places and faces and events and spaces I’m showing up to, are all exactly what I am choosing. That all of my choices are energizing my greatest dreams. Giving myself credit for continually shifting my life. For being available to give and to receive such deep nourishment in service, in nature, in community, and with myself. For attracting relations and opportunities in alignment with my core self.
The less I exist within my own mind, the more present I am to the gifts that stand before me. I don’t have anything figured out. I don’t know how my doings & responsibilities will all actually fit within an upcoming day, or hour for that matter. I’m okay with that. The “how” is occupying such minimal mental space for me that I can find serenity within the now. For years I’d hear my mother’s wisdom, that worry energizes what we don’t want to happen, but not truly live it out. I worried. I was stressed. I had major anxiety about the what ifs and the fears of what lay ahead. I’d be stuck in my mental renderings of the past or the future. I was often preoccupied by thinking about myself and my image and some imagining of what the world might think of me which truly just reflected what I thought of me (what a headache!)
I don’t worry so much these days.
I TRUST. I am safe. I am protected. I am creating my life.
I’ve had moments recently when I’ve felt that if I blink Summer will be over and I’ll be putting my ski gear back on. So I stay awake. I witness it all. I say no when I need rest. I ask for help when I need it, and am honored that my relations do the same with me.
On the last Full Moon I not only held my Breath + Sound Circle in Taos, but also played a Sound Healing Performance for a group of people in one of Ra Paulette’s manmade caves. I actually had to take myself back there the other day (see photo above) to fully receive the space and give prayers and blessings of gratitude for all that is my life right now.
A month or so earlier, with my hands planted on the parched Earth, amongst cacti and sagebrush, Source spoke to me: Expect the unexpected. It’s going to get wild.
Thanks for being along for the ride with me.
I’ll be available in Taos and virtually next week, and then am away through early September. Find me on the playa, and stay tuned for more exciting updates. I love you!
Ciao bella,
Christie
Art credit: Darren Thomas Magee
July 1, 2024
CAN I GET A WITNESS?
The Summer before I began as a lead teacher, an experienced grades teacher gave me a tip:
The children need to feel seen, feel heard, and feel safe.
Out of everything three years of Waldorf teacher training instilled in me, these words stuck with me the most saliently as I set out to guide my first grade class on my own. This task was the biggest responsibility of my life thus far, and was considerably amplified by the global atmosphere of 2020.
Love is the most powerful force in the universe. I believe it’s the realest, truest, most supportive healing energy that exists. The love cultivated between my students and I was a force to be reckoned with. We held each other in implicit trust. I loved the heck out of those kids. But during my years with them, it grew vividly clear to me that they were not the only ones needing to feel seen, feel safe, and feel heard. The energy that they brought with them every morning to school, the blockages that limited them from being the freest young spiritual beings they could, many of their inner anger and fears and frustrations which they presented and projected onto each other and myself during our days together - so much of this felt beyond my scope of influence. In showing up to cultivate my garden of young ones, I needed to show up to support their families as well. Many of my students’ parents did not feel seen, heard, or safe - and/or historically had not in their lives. The best intentions for parenting notwithstanding, the wounds of these adults were deeply imprinted upon their children. When I transitioned away from the sphere of teaching young children, I felt a clear calling to work with adults.
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My dharma, my path, my calling, my purpose, my drive, my dream, my life, my offerings - all remain centered around one personal ideal: to hold safe space for individuals to transform their energy, and from there heal themselves & achieve freedom. I do not call myself a healer. I do not proclaim to be solving anyone’s problems, or curing them of any imbalances. I am here to witness. I am here to listen. I am here to facilitate processes of growth & shift, using tools and methods that can empower an individual to heal him or herself.
When safe space exists between two individuals, neither has an agenda for the other. Neutrality, humility, presence, full attention, and listening are key practices. All of these serve to expand one’s capacity for compassion.
To witness another is to be fully present. This means that no part of you is busy being elsewhere (ie, your mind) in time and space. You are fully grounded in the moment, and completely receptive to what the other is presenting, sensorially & energetically. If someone is speaking to you, you are listening without other thought clogging your perception. If you are present enough, you are attending to whether responding to another’s words is truly supportive to them. The greatest gift you can give to another is your full attention.
Feeling fully seen and fully heard can lead to immense trust-building, imperative work for most humans on the planet as we walk our paths towards freedom and unity consciousness. When we are holding space for others, not wanting them to be any different than however they are in the moment, we allow them freedom. Freedom to be. Freedom to unwind. Freedom to relax, and settle. Freedom to come as they are - to not need to be any different. Freedom from proving oneself, from trying to gain favor or likeability. Freedom to express themselves authentically. Freedom to cry, to laugh, to scream, to sing, to be silent. Freedom from judgment. Freedom from projection. Freedom to unpack the fear, the grief, the anger, the joy, the laughter, the loneliness, the excitement - whatever lay within. Freedom to not need to be anything or anyone else.
Energy gets stuck in the body when we do not feel safe to allow it to move through us. Whether emotional, mental, physical, or spiritual - all energy must stay in motion. If we didn’t feel safe in our childhood (or anytime since then) to release emotions or words that arose within us in response to our environment, that energy is internalized. This unresolved energy cumulatively accrues within as layers of mistrust - a generalized lack of safety that stays with an individual until that energy is transformed. This lack of trust displays in spaces, in relationships, in certain settings, in abundance, in the universe, in the mysteries of the unknown that lay ahead. Most healing work revolves around building trust, from the inside-out.
A salve for these wounds can be found within the bare witnessing of another in everyday relationships, as well as that of wild, natural, outdoor environments. Sitting by a body of water, in the woods, or on the mountains, and allowing oneself to fully be wherever you’re at. Being with a friend who can just listen to you, receive you, see you, wherever you are at. The more we practice holding safe space for others, the better we get at holding safe space for ourselves.
For long you live and high you fly
And smiles you'll give and tears you'll cry
And all you touch and all you see
Is all your life will ever be
Pink Floyd
Touch the world with your love!
With grace and compassion,
Christie
June 16, 2024
THE WILD UNKNOWN OF RELATIONSHIPS
Out here in the Land of Enchantment, one’s perception of time gets a little mushy. My two years in Taos feel like a decade of personal expansion and reinvention - so many shifts continuing to occur that I often need to carve spaciousness to keep up with myself. What do I need right now? What am I clear about? What do I need to sit with, to let simmer within me, a bit longer? What am I calling in?
As we approach the Solstice later this week, Summer is already feeling full-on. There is a flurry of activity within and without - sometimes all the moving parts feel like floating jigsaw pieces in my mind. Sometimes I feel minor overwhelm not knowing how or where each part may land. But I am recognizing that, in fact, I don’t need to know. Provided I take my own space to discern my needs (even if this is just a few moments of stillness and silence), I can stay present & grounded to assess the moment before me. If the external energies, possibilities, and responsibilities to be met before me cannot slow down, I know that I still can.
We humans love feeling a sense of control. There is a false sense of grounding in “knowing” what will happen each day in the week ahead, where one will be, and who one will be with. I am recognizing that the more that I release control of what’s happening now - let alone what’s happening next, the more I actually expand the possibilities of my entire life.
Recently, themes of surrender & non-attachment have been unfolding for me most saliently in the realms of relationships. I have organically let go of attaching any one person or relationship as having more or less value than another. Life is truly a fabulously colorful, non-linear, tapestry of interwoven personal connections. Each individual at any given moment rests at a particular point in their own growth process. When threads of the tapestry begin to weave a beautiful design, those individuals may be resonating energetically, learning lessons with and through each other. Sometimes, the lessons we learn via relationship are so deeply personal, and challenging, that we grow content with that person no longer being in our lives. Sometimes people leave our lives, and we don’t know why. (Other times we most certainly do.) But the truth remains the same - we are all mirrors for each other. The emotional rollercoasters that we ride through waves of ecstatic bliss, deep disappointment, anger, frustration, sadness, and joy in relation to our shared experiences are much more a reflection of our current state of being and processing than they are that of another’s.
When we hold onto emotions from our past, we not only clog up our own system energetically, but we also unconsciously limit others from growing with us. What do I trust more - the way that I felt in regard to someone 6 months or 5 years ago, or the way that I feel right now?
When it comes to relationships, our minds and our hearts can be at battle. I have experienced great pain and hurt, within romance and friendships, the responsibility for which I have often put onto the other rather than myself. I have friends who, over the years, continue to give their time and energy to maintaining an exchange with me - friends who are more present to their heart’s truth in a given moment than past realities of pain and suffering that their minds could be holding instead. These are individuals who have held space for me to grow, change, and reinvent myself. For me to get lost time and time again, so that I may continue to find myself. We don’t need to put each other in boxes of limitations, attaching past thoughts and feelings to names and faces forever in our internal inventory of self-protective mechanisms. As we set each other free - open each day to the possibility (probability!) of change and growth - we set ourselves free as well.
My ability to surrender, to release control, to let go of what “I know to be true” and open myself up to the unknown, requires less and less effort as I accept myself with more unconditional love in the present moment. My heart is open to the most wildly unexpected of possibilities. Old friends and new friends continue to surprise me. As I strive to thrive in freedom through my individual choices of self-love and compassion, I allow spaciousness for the world around me to do the same. You really never know what - or whom - is going to show up next.
Here’s an invitation to release your grip on life. To hold on a little less tightly to your perceptions of who others are - and remember that everyone is just showing you who you are in a given moment.
Let go of that lifeline of predictability. See what happens.
Thank you, friends,
Christie
June 2, 2024
BREAKING OPEN
Ain't nobody messin' with you but you
Your friends are getting most concerned
Loose with the truth, maybe its your fire
Baby, don't get burned*
🌹
I have spent the majority of my 36 years with a fortress built around my heart. After many decades of fear, hiding, playing small, shrinking away, social comparison, self-deprecation, and trust issues -these walls are crumbling down. My mind is tethering me less to illusions, and my heart has broken open. Only love is real. I trust this now.
We cannot get around what we have to go through. From the time we are born - even if our caregivers are extremely conscious & present - we are imprinted upon by them and our society. If one of your parents had deeply internalized fear & suffering that had yet to be alchemized into love & beauty, your child self absorbed this. Add to this any moment in your life when you felt unsafe to express yourself emotionally - rather than the emotion moving through you, it’s become stuck inside of you. For the average individual, this accumulates to a heavy load to carry. Stuck energy manifests as deep feelings of unsafety and mistrust, even (or especially) within the most intimate relationships.
These fortresses around our hearts calcify over time if we don’t attend to setting ourselves free. This is work, for sure, and not always comfortable. Internalized emotions, from decades or even several generations (or past lives) ago, must be released. There is a sense of deep personal accountability in recognizing what you have been holding, and letting it go.
I just returned from an 8-day Breathwork Retreat with my amazing teacher, David Elliott, in the mountains of New Mexico. Safe space was established and held by 40+ bravely vulnerable men and women, all showing up to open their hearts and clear the toxic shit that has been limiting them from living life to the fullest. Often we don’t even know what’s there to clear, and we must first gain clarity, “connecting the dots” as I call it, to feel into why we are the way we are. Confusion precedes clarity, and clarity empowers healing. Over a week straight of daily breathwork within this transformative container, and I feel lighter in every way possible. There were moments when I was crying so hard, feeling so many emotions at once. I did not always want to be witnessed. I let out probably the first real voluntary big scream in my life, and fell to my knees afterwards releasing more. All along, I was cocooned in compassionate support.
Safe space is held when the individual(s) with you have no agenda for you to change. Within safe space, you are accepted and loved, without judgment, exactly as you are in this moment.
The safe space I felt externally, day after day, was mirrored internally. The more I witnessed others confronting all that has kept them stuck in their relationships with themselves & their worlds, the more we all became one, and I allowed myself to be witnessed more deeply. Spirit flowed through me. As the walls around my heart crumbled down with each cathartic exhale, I felt more able to trust myself, listen to spirit, and surrender to the universe’s path laid out before me.
As Gabrielle Roth said,
Do you have the discipline to be a free spirit?
Be brave, dear souls, and have courage. You got this!
So much love,
Christie
*Do yourself a favor and give Althea a good listen right now 😉
photo credit: Hannah Rapp @wildernessencephotography
May 15, 2024
WE’RE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER
Nearly two years ago, deep in the waves of a plant medicine ceremony, Pillars of Light entered my mind as the name for my company. There is no one fixed definition as to what these words mean to me - my personal meaning exists in a state of flow relative to my own process.
Right now, Pillars of Light feels like the gorgeously interwoven Maypole pictured above. More and more since this Winter, I have felt this within me - a sense of inner grounding and stability that brings me back to source whenever I sway into fearful spaces. The ability to resource myself from within, which feels both new and powerful.
I just returned back to Taos from a weekend outside of Philadelphia with family and old friends. For the first time in perhaps my entire life, I felt truly free in this space, with these people. I felt the meaning of sovereignty.
What do you mean when you say ‘sovereignty’? A dear friend asked me on a wet and woodsy hike Sunday morning. Whew! I will try to share a bit of my response with you all. This work remains a humbling learning experience for me.
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We have opportunities to see ourselves more clearly via our relationships with others. Everyone is a mirror, with every experience an opportunity for growth.
It is easy to acknowledge that we are only in control of ourselves, and not of anything external to us. What does this mean, though? Many individuals choose - whether consciously or subconsciously - to relegate themselves to the role of victim, battered by everyone else’s choices, but never truly looking at their own. Playing the victim is disempowering. Taking full ownership and accountability for every aspect of your being is the gateway to personal power.
We all know the feeling of being “triggered”: a deep wound from the far or recent past is inflamed by another’s actions, words, or choices toward you. Often we don’t realize what is happening - what is true - until after we have already projected our pain onto our relation, essentially an effort to pass a piece of our own trauma off to another. Here, you go heal this for me.Words and actions stewing in fear and emotional reactivity can volley back and forth between individuals, causing extreme tension, often the ruin of many (especially intimate) relations. Our adult relationships will continue to play out and reinforce our childhood wounds, until we take full responsibility to alchemize our pain into our joy.
It’s like the image of two young siblings, one pestering the other: the one experiencing “annoyance” can choose to have her experience dictated by the sibling, continuing to share space with him, or she can simply ignore him, leave the interaction, choose to do something different.
When we take accountability (holding so much compassion!) for ourselves, power dynamics in relationships can cease to exist. If we can embrace that royal “pause” to recognize that our emotional reaction to another actually has nothing to do with them - that the experience of being triggered is actually an invitation to heal - we are sovereign. In this way we are tending to ourselves and our relations without judgment or blame. We can investigate what is really being stirred up within us, and, if we feel safe in the relationship, communicate what is coming up.
This work takes a profound capacity to bear witness, to oneself and to others. We must slow down - our thoughts, our mouths, our adrenaline, our bodies - to be able to observe what is actually going on. What is actually happening here? Does the energy of pain/fear arising belong to me, or to another? Am I absorbing energy that is not mine?
Human beings, for the most part, are profoundly sensitive, some of us so much so that we walk through life like energetic sponges for all of those around us. Taking on his grief, her fear, their collective anger. Allowing another’s energy to shift our own. I know much about this, having done it most of my life. Truly, it’s been in the last year alone that I have begun to grasp that I have a choice when it comes to being affected by another’s actions. A healer I have worked with in depth calls this the Solar Plexus swing. You’re on a phone call with someone, perhaps a romantic interest or friend, feeling great, content and present from the inside-out. Unexpectedly, something she or he says seems to energetically punch you in the gut, swaying you completely off-center, perhaps even physically. In the blink of an eye, you’ve gone from grounded and calm to anxious and agitated. Is it possible that you have a choice about how you feel here? Is being a victim of the solar plexus swing, where the actions and choices of others are directly influencing your energetic state, freedom?
Freedom is power, but not power over others. Creative power. When we step into our power, resourcing ourselves internally to stay grounded and clear, we are able to author our present moment. As we take full ownership of ourselves, we gain greater capacity to manifest the life of our dreams. This freedom relies on no one but yourself. It is the power to choose. This is sovereignty.
I won’t say that this is the easy path. But I can speak from the heart that the work does get easier. As our awareness shifts, taking full accountability becomes more natural. My sense of joy, my own pillar of light, is less easily swayed by the words and actions of others.
Do you want to decide how you feel? Or would you rather relinquish that power to others? It’s up to you.
One love,
Christie
May 1, 2024
ALL SHALL BE WELL
All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.
Julian of Norwich, Revelations of Divine Love
It’s May!
My excitement & lust for life right now is palpable. Do you ever have those moments, experiences, days…when you feel blissful and all jazzed up for no apparent reason? This is true joy - sovereign joy. It’s a cup overflowing of abundant vitality that others can bask in and ripple out into the world. It’s more real than the oh-so-fleeting high we briefly soak up with the acquisition of a new object or potential romantic partner. I’m deeply grateful to notice and honor being in this place right now. I hope you are feeling this May buzz a bit too.
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A wonderful yoga teacher and friend, Mary Beth La Rue, often has said in her classes: Right now, it’s like this. Transitioning into this season of major growth, rising energy, and substantive transformation, trust in the process & dedication to myself have been major themes of my current process. There’s a delicate balance to discern between the fast-paced masculine energies of do, do, do, and the slower feminine energies of surrender & receptivity. I’m recognizing - choosing to recognize - that everything external that occurs, all that is beyond my control, may actually be positive. That the universe really does have my back. I listen to what is happening - what is available to me right now? - and clear the way for inner acceptance to meet outer shifts. I stay fluid, while true to the course. When I wake up to an unpredicted snowstorm a few days after planting vegetable and flower babies in my very first New Mexico garden, I notice my resistance to the present moment. And then I laugh in surrender.
The more I objectively witness my energetic response to the present moment, the more I recognize that the universe is, actually, always working in my favor. What may seem like a setback is informative feedback that I can lean into creatively. As I relinquish attachment to future fantasies, I allow myself to bend, like red willows in the wind. Right now, it’s like this. When we slow down, take that pause, and quite simply allow our external reality to exist exactly as it is, we’re able to gradually interpret how shifts beyond our control may actually be supporting our own growth process and greatest potential. We are not victims of our lives. We have the power to choose.
Perhaps it’s from here that our own sovereign bliss is birthed.
Here’s to the moment,
Christie
PS ~ not feeling the May buzz right now? I’d love to support you with some transformational nourishment.
April 15, 2024
SPRING CLEANING
It’s amazing how attuned our beings are - at the most innate, untrained level - to exist in deep relationship with the planet. Spring cleaning is certainly not a man-made concept. As I speak, the acequias are gushing nonstop with snowmelt from the mountains, irrigating the verdant land around me. The wind whips through the valleys, moving with it decomposing winter debris. I am in the midst of a liver cleanse, doing my part to clean and refresh my inner terrain. As I continue to flush myself out, I am a bit taken aback by the manifestations of detox. Yesterday, it was a flurry of anger and frustration. I needed to shift to a space of objectivity to hold gratitude: my emotional release was in fact part of my own spring cleaning. Anger attaches to the liver - over time energy stuck here can lead to anxiety, depression, mood swings, and major sleep issues - with liver disease down the line. Happy to have some of that emotional debris leave my system.
Recently, as part of The Breathwork Collective, I facilitated a virtual breathwork journey in the theme of “Surrender & Release”. I led a meditation through different levels of our energy body as an exercise to clarify what we can consciously let go of. I find this practice deep & valuable, in meditation or contemplation, and wanted to share it with you. I invite you to scan each aspect of your being, and notice,
What am I carrying that is not of service to me? What can I release?
Physical*: areas holding tension, density, muscular knots, congestion & mucous buildup, stiffness, stagnation
Mental: unhealthy patterns repeatedly manifesting, toxic attractions + addictions to activities and substances, storylines used to justify natural emotions and negative self-talk, thoughts supporting an illusion of separateness
Emotional: emotions that are not yours, which you have absorbed from others throughout your life; emotions that you can take ownership for, ones that you historically haven’t felt safe enough to express
SO MUCH energy gets stuck within us, limiting our flow, our health, our freedom. The mental and emotional “guck,” if not tended to via energetic and physical detox activities, manifest in physical symptoms. This is your being’s alarm system, telling you to wake up.
When I practice breathwork, I’m not always aware of what I’m moving. I consistently feel tears in my eyes after I remove my eye pillow, and perhaps for an hour or more afterwards will feel tingles still in my hands and mouth. I have no agenda nor attachment to results. As with my liver cleanse, I’m just grateful to move energy OUT. Clean & clear. And I always feel lighter afterwards. ✌️
*Note that the physical is the last level to manifest symptoms of blocked prana (life force), and there are subtle energy levels beyond the emotional, at the most foundational level of (dis)harmony.
April 2, 2024
KACHINA PRAYER
Blessings on my safety, and for safe space for my energy to sustain its natural flow of health.
Blessings on my ability to exist in full sovereignty, and to inspire and guide others to do the same.
Blessings on my ability to live in the heart, and show up in a space of compassion for all beings.
Blessings on my awareness of who I truly am, at the soul level, and the clearing of all imprinting & trauma that clouds my perception of unity consciousness.
Allow me to be a clear channel of service, in this body, in this lifetime, in this world.
Blessings on all my relations.
Mitakuye Oyasin.
Thank you dear mountains for your potent support & healing portal, now and always, on this land I cherish and call home.
This prayer was written for & inspired by my friend Alison Beckner, who has been curating a series of guest prayers throughout this year. Check her out here. Photo taken of me on Kachina Peak, Taos Ski Valley.
April 1, 2024
SURRENDER & RELEASE
Let
me be
like water.
This eclipse portal certainly is stirring things up. Recently, my emotions have been flowing off and on, like a hose spigot at the will of another’s hand. At times, it’s as if a rug has been pulled from under my feet, my inner stability and grounding temporarily shattered. Yearning for some sense of control, my mind grasps for places to attach, to weave stories, to understand. It can feel like the opposite of “progress” to non-judgmentally allow for deep release - the mistake of equating spiritual evolution with endless pleasure.
In my recent personal healing work, I’ve come to recognize the amount of energy I hold that is not mine - some of which I have been carrying for over three decades. Coming to a place of total energetic sovereignty has become a daily prayer. As a deeply sensitive empath, the pain and suffering of others has poured into my very open energetic field, particularly those closest to me, from a young age. At 36, I am no longer taking on anyone else’s wounds. I am not on this planet to be an energetic sponge. It is my responsibility to take full ownership of my own energetic field, and to not project onto others what is mine alone to heal. It is only in holding space for myself and my own process that I am able to hold space for others as they walk their respective healing path.
When a burst of tears begins to pour out, or anxious energy stirs from within, we often want to assign meaning, to justify why we are a certain way in a certain moment in time. Labeling can feel tidy & linear, but our personal growth and healing processes are anything but. Our mental landscape, for all of its beautiful capacities, can actually obscure our own shedding of what does not serve us. Like snowmelt flowing downstream crashing into a beaver dam, or blood pumping through clotted veins, we work to remove impediments to natural movement - to ease the flow by unblocking it's passage. Sometimes it can feel like a thin line between allowing emotions to flow through us & letting our emotions rule us.
Can we allow the mind to join forces with the heart, and bear witness with compassion? Can we know when take space from our relations, so as not to unnecessarily enmesh our processes with theirs? And can we surrender to the flow of life (no small task!), recognizing the beauty and value of energetic movement as part of our spiritual growth?
It has taken me a whirlwind of a week to realize that my prayer is being answered - that my emotional release may be the letting go of pain and trauma that was never mine to hold. The healing path is messy, inexplicable, and unpredictable. Sometimes I may stray from my commitment to embody compassion and sovereignty. I forgive myself. And stay the course.
From the heart,
Christie
March 1, 2024
BIRTHING ANEW
Spring is almost here.
The time of birthing, of newness, of warmth. Of expansion, longer days, and more movement. The ice layer is melting as the earth below it warms. The morning magpies and other winged ones seem to be waking up from their own slumber with amplified chatter.
Winter is a season of inwardness - of deep restoration and slowing down. But just as a chrysalis is encapsulating major growth and transformation, we all have been planting our own seeds during this time of inner nourishment. Consciously crafting our dreams, spinning webs of both protection and growth as we gently nourish our deeply personal aspirations. With Spring comes the great opening, not only of blossoms and butterflies, but of these seeds we have been cradling within.
What has been waiting to be birthed within you? What are you ready to bring manifest into your life and the external world? There is both vulnerability and excitement in this space of expression - let’s feel it all.
With goals can come direction, which at times seems to project ahead like a linear arrow. While living life intentionally is one of my core values, I am learning recently how easy it is to get “stuck” to certain ways of being, fixations of how I need to be doing things. The threshold between self-love and austerity can be blurred as personal discipline swiftly becomes less than nourishing. If we become attached to one focus in life, how do we allow for shifting perspectives? For intuitive redirection? If one commits to daily physical activity, but is unable to sleep all night, what is more self-nurturing: pushing against the body’s energetic capacity, or allowing for rest and reprieve? Be kind to yourself. Compassion, spaciousness, and inner flexibility help me to stay on track, while also embracing shifts in the wind, and my own personal evolution.
Here’s to our individual and collective renewal as we approach Spring. Sending love and warmth to all, and - always - an invitation to connect in whatever way is nourishing to you.
Much love and deep gratitude,
Christie
February 16, 2024
SELF CHECK-IN
Where are you right now?
Are you in your body? Your mind? Your heart?
Every morning, I start my day hiking my puppy on a gorgeous trail near my house. Winding through the woods and crossing the creek, I sometimes find myself “leaving” myself and the moment completely. I am still in a conversation with a friend from the night before, or figuring out how to balance my wants and needs for the rest of my day. My practice, again and again, is to pause and come back - to my senses and my body.
I never want to take for granted the beauty of these mountains. When I “come back” to myself, I feel my muscles awakening and the cold air against my cheeks; I hear Indy chewing on snow and the spring water flowing, I see the tiny buds forming on low trees and the rocky peaks illuminated by a new day’s sun. I smile with gratitude.
Our minds are not our enemy - they are tools of deep wisdom and power that we must keep in balance.
When we are fully in our bodies, we are able to listen to what we need.
When we listen to our bodies, we are our best healer.
We are sovereign.
When we are not in our bodies, we lose accountability for our energy. When we are mentally or emotionally “elsewhere” in time and space, other people (and animals!) feel the absence. Energy stored in emotions and thoughts from the past, or regarding the future, often end up projected onto those present with us. We allow the unchangeable past and the unknown future to fracture connections to ourselves and those we love.
So we come back. Back home, back to our body, our whole beings, heart + mind + spirit. We breathe, and feel where our breath is in our body. We find moments of silence and stillness, to go inwards. We close our eyes and scan our physical bodies, listening for what our deepest needs are. We tune into our physical senses to get present.
Showing up for any self-healing practice is a commitment to oneself. I love witnessing the power of sovereign action with each individual that gives his or herself the 90 minute space to come to my table, actively breathe, and fully rest and receive. In an overstimulating world that prioritizes productivity, receiving is no easy task.
Come join me, in person or remotely. Carve out the space for yourself (or a loved one!) to come home to every aspect of your own being. The potency of the practice is yours to give, and yours to receive.
Here’s to the power of the pause, whenever you need it.
Much love and gratitude,
Christie